Victims of abuse often blame themselves for their partner’s actions while the authors do it … [+]
Now, many of us have seen the heartbroken documentary about the infamous Gabby Petito murder. Netflix documents American Murder: Gabby Petito shows the devastating tale of “Vanlifer” Gabby Petito and her troubled relationship with her fiancé at the time, Brian Laundrie.
The documentary offers a cool look after scenes in emotions and physical abuse Gabby endured in the hands of her partner – the abuse that eventually led to her tragic death.
As the story unfolds, viewers testify to red alarming flags in Brian’s behavior, warning of signs that, in trouble, hints at the danger he posed. However, one of the most disturbing topics, discovered through the evidence of friends and Gabby’s family, is her constant self-salary.
Unfortunately, such a self-sacrifice is a common coping response to victims of abuse. Victims do this for many reasons, including deep confidence that the person they choose as a partner must, at their core, a good person. These beliefs can lead to self-doubt and, ultimately, the self-sacrifice of the actions that their partner is taking against them.
Knowing when you or someone you love makes excuses for unacceptable behavior may be the difference between life and death. Understanding that no one will ever blame the actions of their abuser, but their abuser is an essential step to help them get rid of life -threatening situations.
Here are three things that documentary Gabby Petito can help us understand to be trapped in abusive relationships.
1. Cognitive Disonance – the unjustified justification
In the documentary, Gabby’s long friend explains how she realized that Brian was manipulative and controlling, which Gabby began to recognize, but may not have initially accepted.
What is also deeply disturbing is that Gabby mentions in her diary how she “didn’t deserve it” and even showed in moments that it was somewhat the problem in their relationships.
This is known as cognitive dissonance. It is clear that Gabby, like many other victims, was unable to reconcile Brian’s abusive behavior with the positive image she had of her in her mind, meaning that the only rational solution was to blame herself for the way she acted. Cognitive dissonance also helps victims justify their relationships with both themselves and other people.
A 2018 study Published in International Environmental Research and Public Health Magazine Explains this state of mind. “Victims must reconcile the dissonance related to being in what should be a loving and supportive relationship while in the same relationship that is personally and deeply harmful,” the researchers write.
“To manage these clashes, victims consciously and unconsciously adopt perceptions to recover their partner’s aggression, minimizing and reinterpreting the emergence or impact of aggressive acts, and the remaining justification in their relationship,” researchers add.
It is essential to remember that Gabby was in no way responsible for what she was enduring. Like many types of dissociative mental states, cognitive dissonance is a coping skill that can help victims who are unable to complete abusive relationships. This mental state can be distributed while abuse escalates, however, sometimes – as in the case of Gabby – this happens very late.
2. Stereotype ‘Hysterical Woman’ – Why “Emotions” women often fired from work
During their trips, police officers stopped Gabby and Brian after someone witnessed a physical altercation between the two. The footage of the police body cameras shows that when they both ask, Gabby has been shaken and upset, while Brian manages to keep his calm throughout the meeting.
While both parties agree to tell the police that Gabby was the “aggressor” in the argument, it is clear that her emotional state was misunderstood. At the end of the conversation, police are unable to perceive him as a victim, while the quiet and brain behavior seems to gain more sympathy.
Watching this real -time scenario can help us understand the unconscious gender prejudices that continues in society today. Society often rejects issues of women showing great emotions. A 2022 study published The psychology of quarterly women It shows that women are often mined to show open expressions of emotions.
People often see emotion and rationality as mutually exclusive, leading to the assumption that someone – especially a woman – who expresses strong emotion must act irrational. This stereotype makes it easier to throw their perspective and can be armed to ignite their gas believing that they are the problem to respond simply.
A wonderful example of this played when police stopped Gabby after her war with Brian, where her apparent concern overshadowed the true danger she was in. As a result of her emotions bypassing, Gabby took the blame for the quarrel even though she obviously needed help.
3. Continuing control – more than physical abuse
Gabby’s story is a perfect example of the fact that often, abuse is mental long before becoming physical. Text messages between the two show how Gabby would have to take care of Brian’s needs and feel as if she had fallen little when he was not happy with her behavior. He openly judged her career and life choices, sought control over her time and location, and fully isolated her from her loved ones.
resources BY Center for Research and Education on Violence against Women and Children Emphasize how abusers use such tightening Tactics, including gas lighting, to keep their victims under their control. This makes the victims feel trapped and powerless in such dynamics, making it difficult to leave, no matter what they want.
By shifting the blame on their victims, the perpetrators continue their harmful behavior as they disguise themselves as an unfair party. Tragically, this cycle of guilt and control had fatal consequences for Gabby.
If there is a lesson we can remove from this tragedy, it is the importance of recognizing warning signs, both in our relationship and in the people we love. No one should feel responsible for their partner’s harmful behavior and no one deserves to suffer quietly.
By creating consciousness, believing survivors and providing unproven support, we can help create a world where fewer people feel only in their pain – and where more people feel empowered to leave before it is late.
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